It is time for a new paradigm of leadership

We are entering into a new era that requires a different kind of leadership – leadership that is transparent, that builds trust, that builds collaborative relationships. Women will bring their natural gifts of leadership to this time of transition and will bring out the feminine. Men will learn to use their feminine side more than ever and will further the develop the desire to be in this collaborative culture shift.

Lions and tigers and bears – oh my!

With only 6 CEO’s in the Fortune 100 and a paltry 15 in the Fortune 500, we might be inclined to believe that getting past the glass ceiling is a task beyond most women. However, like the characters in the Wizard of Oz, we may find that it is our own limited thinking that contributes to keeping us from the top positions.

We are able to define in great detail what keeps us as women from ascending to the highest leadership positions in Corporate America or in political leadership. We are able to identify the glass ceiling, the marble ceiling, the concrete ceiling, the glass cliff, the shattered cliff, the sticky floor, the lattice and the labyrinth to name the most commonly perceived trips and traps.

Let’s start having a very different conversation about women in leadership and let’s have that conversation everywhere. It must be had within our own hearts and minds as well as with women colleagues, with men, in businesses, in business schools, in any training programs, and in leadership programs. As women, we come to leadership with skills that are different than those that men bring. Women are natural relationship-builders. Women are focused and yet can multi-task. Women are more collaborative; we want to win and have it be for the good of all. Women assess risk differently. There’s a lot for women to hang their hats on and build confidence around.

On July 1, 2009, Ursula Burns became the first African American CEO of a Fortune 500 company. It was also the first woman-to-woman handover as Burns stepped in after Anne Mulcahy stepped down at Xerox. Mulcahy has been celebrated as the most successful female CEO to date, for her phenomenal turnaround of an ailing Xerox. This is a stellar example of how the tide is turning in the business world’s assessment of and response to female CEO’s as well as the beginning of what needs to become a broad trend: women supporting and hiring other women in business.

That women have not populated the highest positions in the landscape of business and political leadership is simply an historical fact. It is not a template for the future. As more women graduate in historically male dominated fields, more women will step into the leadership pipeline. With more female role-models to choose from, we no longer have to learn to lead from men and adopt the masculine style of leadership. We can be women and bring all of our natural and authentic skills to the job.

As Baby Boomers retire, the way business is being done is going through significant transformations and one of those will be the flood of gender-blind, color-blind, work/life-integration-embracing Generation-Y workers. Half of those workers will be women. Now is the time for women to step up to the challenge and be ready to be the leaders of today and tomorrow. Women bringing our skills to the leadership and co-create with our male colleagues a successful future for all of us.

Walking the Talk

Dad in May of 2008

I am a firm believer that we must stand by our values and make our work/life decisions based on those values. Much of the work that I do with my clients is about making values-based and courageous decisions in their own leadership, in their strategic planning and in setting personal and professional priorities.

I was put to the test over the past couple of months. My father became unexpectedly ill in June of this year. On June 10th, I grabbed a red-eye from San Francisco to Boston and over the next two months spent most of my time there with no internet access 95% of the time and very little time for phone calls. Crossing the country eight times, I was there with him and my family while we went through tests, biopsies, diagnosis, ICU stay, move to hospice care, his dying, and his death. 

I made a choice to let an amazing amount of time pass in “business hours” and to spend the moment by moment life journey with my father and the rest of the family. My father was never going to die again, my sisters and I were never going to lose our father again, my mother was never going to lose her beloved again. There was no way that I would prioritize this time in my life any other way.

Did I lose some business? Maybe. Did my clients feel that I had fallen off the face of the earth? No. Did the organization I am president of cease to function? No. Am I spending a phenomenal amount of time catching up? Yes.

What I received personally was the most amazing series of experiences, memories, and life lessons that have grown me and changed me as a person forever and for the better. What I received professionally was a deepening of my commitment to help others make hard and sometimes very fast decisions about their personal and professional lives and to live a life of meaning that is fully based in clearly defined values and clearly defined priorities. I am grateful for the opportunity.

Midlife and the Power of Presence

Everything in your life is going along as usual. There are the usual  

demands; the usual stresses, your body and your mind are changing, as is 

usual for your age. Then it happens, you wake up one morning hungry, 

maybe ravenous, for something new. An unusual urge inside has your  

attention, it invites you, and it compels you. This is the beginning of the 

adventure of mid-life. 

 

There is an incredible potency to this time in life and it is lays the 

foundation for a fruitful and satisfying second adulthood. The choices you 

make at this time in your life will be the guiding forces for the rest of your 

life. The invitation in midlife is to become awake, to become conscious to 

ourselves and take responsibility for the story of our lives rather than  

waiting to see how it turns out. The power of being truly present in our 

lives is to realize that our lives are something more than a succession of 

years. Being fully present is cherishing our uniqueness, our essence, it is 

about identifying and standing by our values and beliefs and pursuing our 

own truth. 

 

Midlife presents cultural challenges in that as we age, we seem to become 

more invisible. Herein lies a paradox. While a predominant message in our 

culture may lead us to see ourselves as more invisible (and perhaps 

powerless), an inner power is emerging and we see ourselves more clearly 

than ever. The conscious choice to be present banishes our confusion and 

releases our energy. When we embrace the freedom to speak and live our 

true selves; it becomes a passionate commitment. 

 

Midlife draws us into a mystery. If we are willing to enter into that seeming 

chaos we will be rewarded with fresh, creative energy and spirit. It means 

being willing to bear the challenge of insight and to confront what is no 

longer working for us. By coming into our full experience of ourselves, we 

unburden our souls and clear the way to live on purpose a rather than 

randomly. We feel true to ourselves rather than feeling that there is 

something missing. By remembering that we are the owners of our lives, 

we become powerful beyond measure. As we let go of what has become 

familiar and move toward what is to be, we experience both a loss and an 

incredible craving. We grieve the loss of the patterns, the roles we have 

had in our lives up to this point. We long for new meaning and a deeper 

sense of meaning. This letting go allows the soul to open to new growth. 

We discover previously hidden and emerging talents, desires and  

confidence. The longings for meaning, for integrity, for wholeness are  

driving forces in midlife. Being present with those driving forces provides a 

promise of renewed clarity, enthusiasm and strength. 

 

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

If you’ve ever been on a plane you know the drill. The flight attendant is telling you about what to do if the oxygen mask comes down and reminds you, “If you are traveling with a small child or someone who need’s your assistance, put your own oxygen mask on first.” It makes sense, doesn’t it? If you are gasping for air you certainly can’t be of assistance to anyone else.

It is a metaphor that I use with clients frequently. As women we are famous for taking care of others and putting ourselves last on our to-do lists. It is still amazing to me that we forget to take care of ourselves. I have to ask myself as much as I ask my clients, “What did you do today to take care of yourself?” As professional women, women in leadership positions, and women business owners, we have a to-do list that never ends – it just rolls over to the next morning. If you are last on that list you will never get to yourself.

In order to be effective in your position, to be the best you can be for your family, your friends, your clients, your employees, your company, your constituency, your board members, your community, your beloved pet or anyone else on your list – you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.

Here are some tips for taking care of yourself:

Get enough rest and sleep – We all seem to have times in our lives when there just isn’t enough time for sleep – any new mother will tell you all about it! However, it is important to get restorative and restful sleep as much as you can. Establish a routine of going to sleep and getting up at the same time each day. Have wind down time before you go to sleep – have a cup of herbal tea or take an aromatic bath.

Make time for friendships – You need connections with others, especially others outside of the work environment and with whom you have a satisfying and healthy relationship.

Laugh a lot – There is healing in laughter and play. Make it a daily part of your life to have some fun.

Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet – What we eat is a lifestyle choice. Make and eat good food and eat it sitting down and as often as possible, with family and/or friends.

Get out into nature – Enjoy the simple pleasures of fresh air and the beauty of the outdoors. Go for a hike, a swim, a picnic. Yes – take time to smell the roses – literally.

Be in touch with your body and make time for fitness – Find simple and enjoyable ways of staying fit. Take time to be in relationship with your physical being.

Have a spiritual life – Take time to meditate or pray on a regular basis. Make it a point to be in stillness within yourself in whatever way is comfortable for you.

Be grateful – The daily practice of listing what you are grateful for goes a long way to creating and sustaining a positive attitude.

Do something nice for yourself everyday. Buy yourself a flower, a nice card, tell yourself how much you appreciate yourself. Yes, this is corny – and as women we want and need to surround ourselves with beauty and positive feelings and we don’t have to wait for anyone else to do that for us.

Take a deep breath of that oxygen and go out into the world well cared for.

The Busyness of Business

Our lives get busier and busier each day. Competition is harsher as the globe gets smaller and information travels more quickly. A clichéd response to this demand and the stress that it creates is to speed up – to try do more and do it faster. We find ourselves moving from task to task with increasing velocity and in an increasingly self-enclosed circle. We multi-task our way through life and become increasingly impatient with those who can’t keep up our pace. We begin to not even be able to see or relate to the needs and contributions of those not working at the same pace we are.

We become strangers to slower paces of life – finding ourselves afraid of stopping and totally unable to experience any relatedness to the process of slowing down, pausing and taking a breath before going to on to the next task. We begin to forget that there are naturally stopping points in life, that there are natural rhythms and cycles – of stopping – resting – renewing and then starting again. We may find ourselves resenting others that do.

We find ourselves not understanding the motivations of others who move at a different pace. We feel out of touch with and lacking in any understanding or compassion for people moving at a different, slower pace – people who may be younger or older or not well – people in our way on the sidewalk, in the airport, in the supermarket – in our own homes.

I remember one of my own experiences with this as I rushed through my oh, so busy, so important tasks at a pace that rendered other parts of my life irrelevant. Simple things that just took too much time and didn’t reap clear and tangible ROI became annoying to me. I remember hearing my husband calling my name and wanting to have my attention. I remember him placing himself in front of me and me staring at him and uttering an impatient “What!?” I remember his bewildered gaze as he looked at me and wondered how it came to be that life was so busy for me that I didn’t have the time to take a moment to hear him tell me that he loved me.

I remember taking a deep breath in that moment and with the exhalation came a flood of tears. With that flood of tears came the realization that I was missing him, that I was missing myself. I realized that I had not had the kind of renewing moments with my own soul that I needed so much – never mind with anyone or anything else in my life.

I stopped.

The world didn’t come to an end. My business didn’t. The organizations that I volunteered for didn’t. I re-engineered my pace so that life was richer, more fulfilling. As a result everything I put my attention on flourished and I felt more connected with myself and with the people and things that were and are important to me in my life.

Take a moment and ask yourself what is important to you. Who do you want to tell that you love and care about them? What activity do you want to do to refresh and renew yourself? What beauty do you want to see and appreciate? Do you have time each day to be alone and think? Do you have time with family and friends? Do you take time to take care of yourself? Notice what happens when you take a little more time to experience yourself and your world around you. You may see that with this kind of attention, that your time becomes more productive, that life is more fulfilling, that you appreciate the passion that you regain for your life.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Opportunity?

If there is one question that I get more than any other question, as a coach who specializes in working with women in midlife, it is “What the heck is going on with me?” This is the hallmark of what is called the midlife crisis. We just don’t feel “like ourselves” or we feel unexpected urges or maybe confusing feelings of boredom with what use to excite us. We begin to feel signs of aging, our bodies changing or the curious and often uncomfortable to downright horrific impact of menopause. Many of us feel driven to gain clarity about our life purpose. Everyone I talk to is relieved to hear that they are not alone!

This period of time is a normal phase of adult development that was labeled liminality by psychologist/philosopher Carl Jung. It comes from the Latin word limen, which is a doorway or threshold. It is a moment of transition. We are leaving one phase of our lives and entering another. In that “moment” we are neither who we were nor who we are to become. During this time in our lives, we feel out of sorts – like the “old” us is not quite right and who the “new” us that we might become, isn’t quite clear yet. It is a time that is characterized by a sense of looking for deeper meaning in our lives. Much like adolescence, we find that our interests and priorities are changing and we want to try out new things. Unlike, adolescence, however, our lives are more complicated. The good news is that along with those complications there is a whole lot of life experience, acquired knowledge and developed wisdom that can help to clarify our paths forward.

It certainly is a time when it feels like a whole lot of stuff is up for grabs. There is uncertainty and a questioning of previous assumptions. It is a time when we are often facing big life changes. There may be issues of health for oneself, our loved ones or our friends. If children have been a part of our lives, they may be growing more independent or have left home to move on with their own lives leaving time to ourselves that we now get to figure out what to do with. We may be wanting a career change, feeling a strong desire to do something completely new.

The good news is that this forced march into out own private “vision quest” does have a resolution. This is a time of great opportunity to get to know oneself in a deep way and choose a path forward that is immensely fulfilling and guided by a truly authentic understanding of what our values are and what we want in our lives.

While you are feeling the challenges of navigating this uncharted terrain of your life, you may wish to have some support, a guide, someone to help you clarify your priorities and create a plan for moving forward. I know the territory very well! Give me call.

Celebrating International Women’s Day

It is International Women’s Day. It seems like the perfect day to launch my blog. International Women’s Day celebrates the lives of women all over the world. We are celebrating the accomplishments of individual women, communities of women, women’s expression through art, through business, through community action, through political action – there is a lot happening in the world by, for, and about women. It celebrates women of all ages, of all socio-economic situations, and of all cultures. It celebrates and invites us to acknowledge all of the women around the world who still have no voice.

This is a wonderful time to be reminded of the spirit of women, the vision of women, the needs and hopes and dreams of women. It is a time to acknowledge yourself. It is a time to acknowledge the other women in your life. And it is a time to acknowledge the lives of women all over the world. How will you celebrate this wonderful day? How will you celebrate yourself and what you have accomplished in your life? How will you contribute to the lives of other women today?